The Heart of the Matter.

It seems like I keep falling into these traps. It seems like I keep making mistakes that I can't seem to shake. Everytime I start to feel apart from God, even in the slightest, its like these empty wells are just calling out to me, enticing me with promises of relief from the pain and a distraction from what's really happening in my heart.

So beneath all the frustration, all the seemingly horrible and unforgivable mistakes, all the winless and endless battles with myself, lies the heart of the matter. And after all, isn't that what's most important?

I distinctly remember reading scripture where Jesus address these rituals and laws that the religious leaders held so dear and tells them plainly: It’s not what goes in or comes out that defiles a person, It’s what is in his or her heart. (Matt. 15:11-20).


So what I find is at the heart of my constant screw up is the belief that God desires to be absent from my life and that he does not love me unconditionally. Mine is a faith that is built on my performance. The truth that God is for me no matter what and that his fatherly love is not dependent on me seems out of reach sometimes. 


I'm learning that, in being called to obedience, what God is really calling me to is adoption into his family. He is saying "I created you, I know how you tick. I know what hurts you, I know what makes you joyful. I know where you run when you are in pain, I know what can heal you."


When I sin, I act on what is inside my heart. If it is doubt, hopelessness, and hurt, then I have to replace that with the truth of who God is and how he perceives me.


When I think of obedience to God, I recognize it as a process where God breaks away the things that are not of him so that when I look in the mirror I can start to see his beauty looking back at me.


We are called to Identity in the Father, and to obedience for our own good. Furthermore we are called to recognize that we serve a God who "chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are,so that no one may boast before him." (1 Cor. 1:27-29)


Not only is God's love relentless, not only does he call us to his side for an unconditional love that is not based on performance, but He calls us to be more than we could ever have imagined. He calls us to partner with Him for his work on this Earth.

I don't want to merely survive my way through life anymore, I want the fullness of God. I want to serve him with my WHOLE heart.