Why St. Louis?

I'm sitting at a starbucks in Chicago waiting for my train to St. Louis, where I will spend the next 4 days.

As I begin yet another journey, I'm finding myself doing a lot of contemplating and reflecting before it even really begins.

What I'm contemplating is the purpose of this trip and what I hope to get out of it. What I'm reflecting on are the events that led to the current spot in life that I'm at.

Let me start with where I'm at and how I got here.

There is a big part of me that wants to do anything and everything to continue to build my image. I'm trying to fight this part of me off like a lion tamer about to get eaten up by a giant lion. I havent had much success fighting it recently, as is to be expected when feelings of loneliness rear their ugly head. In fact, whenever part of my being is threatened, whether it be by fear, loneliness, or whatever, this is the place I run to. The place of pride.

I love Jesus with all my heart, but sometimes I find myself loving my image and my "kingdom" even more.

I'm also in battle with laziness & apathy. This trip to St. Louis is centered around loving and caring for the poor in the best way possible, but over the last few months I've been running on fumes and lacking passion in that area. I've felt relationally burned by some of those I was willing to lay down my life for, and its left a bad taste.

In summation: Where I'm at is fighting off loneliness, pride, and being burned out.

Now to where I'm going.

I'm going to St. Louis to spend time with an organization called Mission: St. Louis (http://www.missionstl.org/). They have been in existence for 6 years doing a ton of work to love the poor and bring restoration to communities and families. They are all about empowerment, education, & economic development. They are committed to seeing lives changed and redeemed.

Thats why I'm going. Because I am committed to seeing lives changed & redeemed, because I've seen it in my life and in the lives of others and I believe it's just what God does.

I'm going to learn, I'm going to serve. I'm going with no expectations and the intent of being in tune with the Holy Spirit and whatever he wants to do.

I'm going because no matter what current brokenness exists in my life, no matter what obstacles may lie ahead, I want to do every possible thing to lay down my life for people and see Christ lifted up.

And I mean that. Because in the midst of pride and dying passion, God has been doing a greater work in my soul. A work that is reshaping his image as my Father and resulting in renewed conviction and desire to go be Jesus to others.

I'll leave you with this quote "Passion is not high emotion but a steely determination, fired by love, to stay centered in the awareness of Christ's present risenness, a drivenness to remain rooted in the truth of who I am, and a readiness to pay the price of fidelity."

More to come.