Encouragement to Persevere

I have a dream.

I know its cliche, but I do. I dream of communities where people from all racial, economic, and social backgrounds can come together for a common goal.

Communities with people who rise up as leaders to show that growth and change are possible. Communities where people support one another, where each looks out for his neighbor as if it were himself.

I don't dream of a place on Earth with no more hate, division, or selfish behavior. I don't dream of a place without struggle. Because as long as we remain in this human flesh, then pride, hate, division, selfishness, and struggle will always rear their ugly head. However, I dream of communities filled with people that persevere with one another through sin and struggle alike.

We must lift each other and those who are struggling, outcast, undesirable, etc up to the heartbeat of the Father. Because I'm convinced that all of us share the same deep longing to be truly known, to have security and stability.

My trip to Mission: St. Louis reinforced this dream because I saw a glimpse of what the previously described community could look like.

I say reinforced because whether it's a rescue mission in South Dakota, a laundromat in Las Vegas, a native american reservation in Arizona, a neighborhood in St. Louis, or a whole network of non profits & churches in Ohio, I have seen firsthand communities and people working with every fiber of their being to realize this dream of the kingdom of heaven lived out on Earth.

I'm not ignorant anymore to the fact that there are real heroes all over this world who are dedicating their lives to other people and to seeing real change.  These are people you would never know existed, and thats the way they like it. Because they aren't in it for recognition or praise, they are in it so that the name of Jesus be lifted high and so that people in need know there is a God who loves them.

They believe in loving people in action & in truth.

We have one life. Let's use it to make sure that the people who encounter us, encounter Jesus. It's not about you or me and we are not doing it alone. We are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses and have the promise of Jesus that he will walk with us always, to the very end of the age.

Why St. Louis?

I'm sitting at a starbucks in Chicago waiting for my train to St. Louis, where I will spend the next 4 days.

As I begin yet another journey, I'm finding myself doing a lot of contemplating and reflecting before it even really begins.

What I'm contemplating is the purpose of this trip and what I hope to get out of it. What I'm reflecting on are the events that led to the current spot in life that I'm at.

Let me start with where I'm at and how I got here.

There is a big part of me that wants to do anything and everything to continue to build my image. I'm trying to fight this part of me off like a lion tamer about to get eaten up by a giant lion. I havent had much success fighting it recently, as is to be expected when feelings of loneliness rear their ugly head. In fact, whenever part of my being is threatened, whether it be by fear, loneliness, or whatever, this is the place I run to. The place of pride.

I love Jesus with all my heart, but sometimes I find myself loving my image and my "kingdom" even more.

I'm also in battle with laziness & apathy. This trip to St. Louis is centered around loving and caring for the poor in the best way possible, but over the last few months I've been running on fumes and lacking passion in that area. I've felt relationally burned by some of those I was willing to lay down my life for, and its left a bad taste.

In summation: Where I'm at is fighting off loneliness, pride, and being burned out.

Now to where I'm going.

I'm going to St. Louis to spend time with an organization called Mission: St. Louis (http://www.missionstl.org/). They have been in existence for 6 years doing a ton of work to love the poor and bring restoration to communities and families. They are all about empowerment, education, & economic development. They are committed to seeing lives changed and redeemed.

Thats why I'm going. Because I am committed to seeing lives changed & redeemed, because I've seen it in my life and in the lives of others and I believe it's just what God does.

I'm going to learn, I'm going to serve. I'm going with no expectations and the intent of being in tune with the Holy Spirit and whatever he wants to do.

I'm going because no matter what current brokenness exists in my life, no matter what obstacles may lie ahead, I want to do every possible thing to lay down my life for people and see Christ lifted up.

And I mean that. Because in the midst of pride and dying passion, God has been doing a greater work in my soul. A work that is reshaping his image as my Father and resulting in renewed conviction and desire to go be Jesus to others.

I'll leave you with this quote "Passion is not high emotion but a steely determination, fired by love, to stay centered in the awareness of Christ's present risenness, a drivenness to remain rooted in the truth of who I am, and a readiness to pay the price of fidelity."

More to come.

Visiting My Childhood

On an impulse tonight I decided to visit my childhood home, the place where I grew up until I was about 10 years old.

It’s an old apartment complex near Wadsworth, OH and I hadn’t been at this place since I moved way back in July of 1999. 13 years has passed since I last set foot on this property.

It’s not a very big space. It probably has about 8 apartments all side by side, a parking lot, a backyard space, and it sits next to a church and behind an abandoned office building.

But going back reminded me of just how huge it seemed growing up. The field that separated us and the office building felt like it was a couple miles long, the trees were the biggest I had ever seen, my apartment felt like a huge mansion, the parking lot was a raceway where I discovered how fast I could go on my bike, and all the steps leading uphill seemed unconquerable.

Tonight I was flooded with memories, great and not so great ones from my early childhood.  Most of which I had forgotten, some by choice.

This slice of town was the world to me, and my only concern was playing with my toys and being with my family and friends. My only need was to be loved.

I have a lot of brokenness in my heart. I’m heavy with hurt and I mourn many things that have both happened to me and that were withheld from me. I need a lot of healing inside.

Tonight was helpful to that end. Because while there were many painful memories that came back from visiting my childhood, what I ultimately experienced was the reality of God’s fatherhood.

I looked back in my mind’s eye and saw God playing basketball with me, walking next to me as I rode my bike, laughing with me in the joyful moments, and comforting me in the sad.

I saw Jesus being a dad from the very beginning.

As I sat on a hillside tonight crying & praying, I got to the point where the only words I could utter was “I am a child who needs his daddy.”

Friends, I am a child who needs his daddy. I need my heavenly father in a way I cant even express. And I rediscovered tonight that I will do anything, I will give my life to see his love brought to people on this Earth.

I will do anything so that the fatherless and the hopeless and the suicidal and the hungry and the weak and the rich and the poor and everyone on this Earth knows the fullness of the love of God.

I will trust my Father. Because I am a child who needs his dad.

A Hard Lesson, Relearned.

At any given second it feels like our minds can be filled with 1,000's of thoughts. An all encompassing gauntlet of questions, problems, worries, fears, joys, solutions, excitement, etc... It can get pretty cluttered up there sometimes. And when that happens it seems like the least important thing in the whole world becomes the very moment we are in.

Time is a funny thing like that. We spend our whole lives trying to control it but never seem to gain any ground. Being present in the moment we are in becomes a good thought but never manifests itself to a reality most of the time. I'm really starting to believe this is the root of a ton of issues, at least for me.

I came to lead worship with a team of friends this week at Round Lake Camp. Our week was to be spent hanging out with Sr. High students and playing music (pretty great for a youth min/music graduate like myself!). Instead I spent the first few days isolating myself from people and staying locked in my own head, with one foot connected to where I was at and one foot at home.

There were different problems occurring in my life and some things coming up to look forward to. So in my quest for significance, I kept my phone on and with me and stayed logged onto my computer whenever possible, hoping to validate my need to feel needed.

When the things presented to me through communication werent ideal and/or necessarily encouraging, I instantly folded into myself and let pressures from home affect what I was doing in this moment.

However, a great friend reminded me "You chose to be here."

Here. Here is a strange concept for me. I would much rather be lost in thought about all the things I have to get done or people I need to hang out with or the kind of person I need to be. I'd rather be anything than "here."

The great irony is that as I do everything but focus on the present moment, I lack the attentiveness to the Holy Spirit to let God mold me into the person I do need to be.

I just dont read about Jesus coming upon the sick or needy and saying "oh you need some help? well sorry I'm a very important person on my way to do a really important thing."

And I'm pretty sure Paul didnt say in Romans 8 that "nothing in all of creation can separate you from the love of God.....except all your problems, worries, fear, and anxiety."

The reality of God is a loving father, who is strong and able to conquer. A savior who brings us rest, and a Lord who challenges us to make a difference by following his example and obeying his commands. A spirit who acts in us and through us, helping us stay in tune with the melody of God all around us.

I just want to be present. Right here, right now. Because it's all I got. I want to hear Jesus whispering his love to me and see the opportunities he is giving me to send that same message to people around me. There's a lot in this world and in my life that isnt right. But letting a barrage of thoughts and worries come at me wont do anything.

But loving the one in front of me, that can make all the difference in the world.

Silence.

A classic story
The day grows longer
the night grows darker
I'm waiting for dawn to arrive

The noise grows louder
the song in my heart is faint
I'm supposed to perform
but I can't even create

What you want

I cant give

What I need

doesnt exist

What you are

draw me near

Because

Silence is what I want to hear
The noise just makes everything less clear

My lenses feel
crooked as my path
the way I see it
there's no turning back

The way I see
I can't see at all
I'm stumbling, I'm stumbling
I can't see at all

Las Vegas (pt. 2)

Saturday June 9^th was the Laundry Love Project in Las Vegas, and it was a truly amazing experience.

At the end of the day we helped 21 families do 230 loads of laundry. The area Starbucks stores sent out 4 team members (2 managers & 2 employees) to help us as part of an initiative for Starbucks to be more active in helping the community.

We are also going to be partnering with 2 local churches in Las Vegas to try and do a LLP here 4 times a year.

I can honestly say that sitting in my dorm room as a junior at Malone planning car trips with friends around town to go pay for people’s laundry, I never thought it would go this far. I never thought the simple dream of doing whatever it takes to love people would lead to things like this.

Each city and place I have ever been to has its own troubles, and sometimes they seem so vast and numerous. One of the Starbucks managers at the project, Wendy, gave me great insight into some of the problems unique to Vegas.

She informed me that in Las Vegas there is a huge difference between the homeless and the low income people, and there is an even bigger difference between low income and upper middle class.

She spoke of how the education system is struggling and how she believed that and the hunger problem were 2 of the biggest obstacles to growth in Las Vegas. After all “if kids are hungry, why would they want to learn,” Wendy remarked.  Problems like these and others all amount to Las Vegas not being a very close nit community in her mind.

I have also met a church call Grace Point that is seeking to do missional communities just like LoveCanton does. They are 500 strong and committed to doing good in the Las Vegas area.

All in all, I don’t know the exact extent of the issues in Las Vegas, but I do know there are people trying to do something about it.

Trips like this constantly remind me that there are folks committed all across the country to doing whatever it takes to love people. I know from experience that one simple dream of doing whatever takes to love people, can lead to things far beyond what we ever thought possible.

That is just the God we serve.

Las Vegas (pt. 1)

I never thought I would ever get to see Las Vegas. Matter of fact, growing up I never thought I would get to travel anywhere.

I can remember being in middle school and asking my mom if Florida had McDonalds and all the things we have in Ohio. The world and it's contents seemed so out of reach to me that I couldnt even fathom a world that existed outside of what I had seen up to that point.

(I even recall being in high school asking my friends if Kentucky was the capital of Tennessee. Yup. That happened.)

Since that time I have been blessed to travel quite a bit. I still have never been out of the country, but I have gotten to be almost everywhere within it. Las Vegas culture is reminiscent of many that I have seen, but is still highly unique. When you are in Vegas it can be easy to feel like you are on a whole other planet.

I absolutely love to travel. I think its partly because it's something I thought I would never do, partly because its nice to get away from home sometimes, and mostly because the environment and perspective change allows me to connect with God on a deeper level most of the time.

I especially love traveling with a purpose. The purpose of this particular trip is to bless some folks in the area by doing a Laundry Love Project out here.  We are doing the project tomorrow and I have no idea what to expect, but I know that God will show up.

I know that God will show up because he has been speaking to me about the reality that the heart of Jesus beats the same yesterday, today, and forever. That the reality we live in is the present risenness of Jesus at all times. That he has not and will never leave us or forsake us and that life isnt just some string of random moments but in Christ it is a series of events that challenge us, grow us, and ultimately transform us.

I'm still searching for God so bad. The emotional baggage I carry, the things I have experienced both good & bad, the mere reality of growing up into an adult, & so much more can often serve as the biggest obstacle between me & God.

Much like the concept of traveling when I was a kid, the reality of God & his presence can seem so out of reach sometimes. But it is here in Las Vegas that I am being reminded that it is in fact never out of reach. That God is always present, his Spirit always willing & able to work in and through us.

God is slowly but surely building in me the confidence of a purpose, of his grace knowing no limits, and of his love being the ultimate reality.