My Crafted World.

Words I've made up,
that were never said
a conversation with you
that is all in my head

I've created and crafted
this wonderful world
my intentions are noble
but the outcome is cruel

I wake up and realize
my most intense dream
involved a reality that
has simply never been

I've heard it said
we're all chasing wind
but I play a different game
the one I can't lose
where I pick and choose
what ghost I'm going to chase

Oh it comes in many forms
it hangs o'er my head
I tell it to get away
it just hangs there instead

I molded and brought
this dark figure to life
but it blinds me to the truth
and only causes me strife

I wake up and realize
my most sincere dream
was a time and a place
I have simply never been

I've heard it said

we're all chasing wind

but I play a different game

the one I can't lose

where I pick and choose 

what ghost I'm going to chase

I can't be to quick

to fall on my sword

cause this ghost produces

all of my words

but I'd quickly trade

the life that I lead

to rid me of all the trouble

that this spirit brings

I've heard it said

we're all chasing wind

but I play a different game

the one I can't lose

where I pick and choose 

what ghost I'm going to chase

I've heard it said 

we're all chasing wind

but I play a different game

the one that I lose

when I cant pick or choose

what ghost I'm going to play.

A new journey.

"You can't lead where you haven't been"

I've heard this quote from many different people over time, and it rings very true to me now.

Very simply, I have been trying for a long time to lead people to the feet of Jesus when I rarely bother with him myself. Sometimes I act like a representative of Christ when the truth often is that I dont follow him.

I am realizing finally what people wiser than myself have probably already known, that I'm not pursuing God's kingdom as much as my own.

I say things like "I'm not sure if God exists sometimes" and it doesnt surprise me that I havent heard him because I rarely take the time to listen these days.

I asked God tonight how to surrender, how to die to myself, I asked him what to do. He very clearly told me I needed to die to success. I tried to argue with him the logic that the more I look like him and do things for others the more people will build me up as they have so far. I also tried to say that if I didnt pursue my own success, that I would lose everything and everyone I worked so hard to attain.

His response was quite simple in helping me realize that if I stay on a path of self-seeking and trying hard for success, and in doing so neglecting the hearts and needs of others, that I will in fact lose everything and everyone. He also helped me realize that while our culture will build people who live genuine lives up as celebrities, that it doesnt matter. I will always need to be close to Jesus regardless of my standing with people.

There was a time when I knew very clearly how broken and in need of Jesus I was. A time when his grace was enough. I cant say I'd like that back, that I would like to be that person, because I have experienced too much life and I am forever changed.

But this person I am now is unacceptable. I cant change my past, I cant change the selfishness, the total disregard for others, but every time I take a breath I am given a second chance to make things right, to lose my life for the sake of Christ.

Every breath I take is a second chance to stop talking about God, and actually let my heart draw nearer to him.

Heart & Mind.

I'm worn out
everyone can see it on my face
but my face is
all I want them to see
God forbid they see the darkness in me.

I can't go
any further thinkin I might fail
cause success is
all I want them to see
God forbid they see the darkness in me.

Oh my worried mind
Oh my stubborn heart
The two coexist
but they cant work together
Oh no. Oh no.

I wanna be
what they think I could be
their opinion
is all that matters to me.
God forbid I admit that was true.

Oh my worried mind.
Oh my stubborn heart
The two coexist
but they just rip me apart
Oh no. Oh no.

Well if you could break on through.
I'd let you.

If you could break on through.
I'd let you.

If you could break on through.
I'd let you.
But you can;t
no you can't
no you can't

But I sure wish you'd try.

Community IS the Mission.

The more I read about the life of Jesus and the lives of his followers after Jesus ascended into heaven, the more I begin to wonder if the mission we are called to is that of fostering community.

If you start in the gospels and read the works and teachings of Jesus, you begin to see this clear focus and theme of kingdom. A society shaped by the love, peace, and justice of God. A place where people are known and loved, where relationships grow deep, (even though they are messy) and where everyone regardless of racial, social, or economic background experiences God together.

If you then look at the book of Acts, which immediately follows the gospels, the very first event we see is the coming of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, a day when many were gathered and saw the the Spirit descend firsthand. What happened as a result of this day was transformation in the lives of the apostles and many others, and we see the Church, the kingdom community Jesus dreamed, begin to manifest itself.

What this says to me is that where the Spirit is, community will be. And where community is, people's lives will be transformed.

So if our mission to the world should be loving others so that they may experienced a transformed life and a relationship with Jesus, wouldn't it seem that genuine community would be the best way to achieve this goal?

The reality is that 18-35 year olds in todays American culture are defined by a sense of individualism. Either because we have had bad experiences in the context of community, or because we have simply never seen genuine community and lives lived for others modeled. Everything we see on TV drives us towards individualism and being the best we can be, all on our own.

I don't think the vision of Jesus was merely personal spirituality or for us to look out for ourselves. Many of the people I have met along my journey living as a missionary live in the same reality of individualism, and it has affected them in the worse possible way.

Instead of growing up in environments where they have a loving community and support network of people all looking out for each other, many of my brothers and sisters on the streets of Canton are utterly and completely alone.

So if I as an individual am going out by myself to fix their problems, aren't I only reinforcing what they've known their whole lives? How am I doing anything different than any government agency out there giving charity? 

So the conclusion I have drawn is that mission has to be done in the context of community, and community IS the mission as well. 

I want to see lives transformed by the power of Christ. I want to see the hopeless find hope, the fatherless find security, the broken and nullified and rejected people of this world take their place as sons and daughters of the King. 

To do that we must be constantly walking the the Holy Spirit, and then genuine places of community will be created, and when we invite those we are on mission to into a genuine community and support network of love, maybe then they will see something different than what they are used to. Maybe then they will know the love of God and his transformative power.

The Song Sounds the Same

Drop that beat
feel that rhythm
The melody sings
to you and me

Stop right there
I'm so conditioned
I hear it over again
but there's no change

There's no change
It's all the same

What happens when the song grows old?
when the words we sing lose their voice
and have no value at all
What happens when the symphony
all get stuck on the same note
and cant get free?

Can't get free?
Can't get free?

Drop that beat
feel that rhythm
I'm seeking life
for you and me

It's so elusive
that fresh new sound
I try to hear it
with my ear to the ground

It's coming now
It's breaking out

What happens when the song grows old?

when the words we sing lose their voice

and have no value at all

What happens when the symphony

all get stuck on the same note

and cant get free?

Can't get free?

Can't get free?

I lost the beat

it left it's feet

and walked out

I played too much

I lost the touch

and spun out

I want it back

I need it fresh

I'm dying for life

I hear it now

It's breaking out

It's breaking out

What happens when the song grows old?

when the words we sing lose their voice

and have no value at all

What happens when the symphony

all get stuck on the same note

and cant get free?

Can't get free?

Can't get free?

For the Dreamers.

Dreams.

We all have them. We all dream about tomorrow, the future. Everyone in the world has had a dream at some point in their life.

The dreams vary from person to person, dependent on our life situation and placement in the world. A child growing up in the inner city may only dream of going to college, or a person in a poor economic region of the world may dream of merely surviving the next day. Some dream of wealth or fame, some dream of love. Some people just dream of getting the new iPad or posting a status on facebook that will attain a lot of "likes" (I can very much relate to the latter of those two).

The focus here is not the content of the dream, but the reason for them. We all have dreams, it's one of those shared human experiences that breaks the barriers of social, economic, racial, and religious divisions.

What I have wrestled with in myself is the simple question of Why? Why do I hope for what I hope for? Why do I have the dreams that I have? Why aren't they coming to fruition?

Behind our dreams can lie a lot of frustration. There can be this kind of expectancy. A sort of tug-o-war between what is now and what is to come, between who we are and who we wish to be.

I believe one of the reasons for why we dream is that it is Gods way of saying to us who we are and our role in his kingdom. If you think about it, I bet what you dream of becoming is directly related with how God has wired you and the gifts he has given you.

The problem is when our dreams become self centered and not others centered. Jesus dreamed of a world shaped by love for God and neighbor. A world in which people's gifts and dreams had a direct impact on those around them in their daily lives.

It's not wrong to dream, it's certainly not wrong to dream of doing something you love. Where it goes wrong is when it comes from a place of selfish ambition.

The reality is that if we are not doing our best to be faithful each day to loving those in front of us, or to laying down our rights to God, then all we are doing with our dreams is placing ourselves in a world that does not yet exist, while the one that we are in right now gets forgotten about.

My point is this: What good is a dream that is unsustainable? What good is it to gain the whole world and lose your soul? Or to get everything you ever dreamed of, only to lose it because you weren't the person you needed to be?

I for one, no longer want to live with my head in the clouds, making plans that I have little control over anyway. I want to be faithful in the now, content, and trusting God that he has gone before me and is charting my course with love and faithfulness.

This is just who God is. He looks out for us, loves us in ways we dont deserve, and a big part of that love is holding our futures in his hand.

So dream. hope. look ahead. But do it in such a way that it is focused on the kingdom of heaven, focused on other people and the bigger picture of life.

Don't focus on the dreams instead of your daily life
Rather, let the dreams inform your daily life.

And in all things, let Jesus Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith and our stories, open our eyes to who he desires us to be, and what he desires us to do. Take it from a guy who has seen the depths of despair more times than I can say, he is faithful, and he is trustworthy.