What Really Matters

No matter how bad things got in my family growing up, I always held out hope that things would get better because of my relationship with Christ. 

It didn't matter if we were homeless, unable to pay the bills, if I was outcast at school, had no friends, went to bed crying some nights, etc. I always knew deep down in my heart that as long as I had Christ, there was hope for us.

Growing up there wasn't much circumstantial evidence to point to the existence of God. Things were pretty chaotic and crappy. What ultimately pointed me to Jesus and enabled me to trust in Him through even the darkest nights was the love of God I experienced through many of the people he had put in my life.

Before I could give a theological argument and a thoughtful presentation for the validity of the gospel of Christ and the existence of God, I experienced God through the love of his followers. Long before I knew it in my head, I knew in my heart that God was real.

The fact that God chose flawed people like you and I to be the ones who show the world his love and transforming power simply blows my mind. Yet it is clear through the testimony of scripture that God chose his church to be his messengers, He chose us through his strength and power to be ministers of reconciliation to a hurting world.

My friend Chad loves to say that the way we live and relate to each other may be the only Bible some people ever read. Based on my experience as a kid, I know in my heart he is telling the truth.

That's why a conversation I had today at our Laundry Project hurt me so deeply.

You see, at our Laundry Projects we strive to create a positive community atmosphere where families can receive the tangible blessing of free laundry, but more importantly experience the love of God through relationship.

That's why it took me by surprise when I overheard one laundry customer giving account to another of a very bad experience at a different agency also designed to aid struggling families. When I inquired further, both of the families proceeded to recall numerous bad experiences they have had at charitable agencies over the years where, from their standpoint, they were treated as lowly due to their circumstances.

Many of the agencies that operate in a charitable fashion are created to help struggling families, but what I heard spelled out to me in no uncertain terms was these moms feeling more hurt than helped after their experiences.

In my experience in non-profit world, an often quoted passage is Matthew 25 where Jesus begins giving account of what will happen when people enter into eternity. He describes a scene where God will separate people into 2 categories based on the practical love they showed to those in need. The people standing before God go on to say:

‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ - Matthew 25:37-40

It's pretty clear from that passage (and many others in scripture) that God cares greatly about the poor and downtrodden. However, there is one other passage that is highly important to consider in light of who God is and the heart he has for the poor. The apostle Paul elaborates on this charge to care for the poor when he says: 

"If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." - 1 Corinthians 13:3

When I talked with these families it made me recall my own experiences as a child in poverty. I began to remember all the places my mom and I went, many of them agencies with a clear Christian message, yet our experiences often left us feeling like the least of these, but in the worst way possible.

Many a worker in food pantries, welfare agencies, Christmas giveaways, etc treated my family and I like second class citizens when I was growing up. We didn't feel welcome, we felt like a burden.

As an adult I can empathize from both perspectives. My heart breaks for these families and their stories of being treated badly at certain agencies, but I also feel a measure of brokenness for the workers who may have treated them poorly.

The reason being the way most charity is done. Most charity would fall under the category of what Robert Lupton in his book "Toxic Charity" calls "bad giving." It's where products or services are freely given so often that families come to depend on them to survive or worse yet, develop an entitlement to the free thing being given.

Shane Claiborne describes this tension in his book "Irresistible Revolution" when he says that unhealthy relationships are allowed to exist because the poor are getting what they need and the people giving it are allowed to feel great about themselves, so no one complains.

Most workers in the compassion industry are desperately suffering from compassion fatigue. Tired of the entitlement and dependency being displayed by the families they are serving, they often become burned out and irritable toward those they had a heart to help in the first place.

Not understanding why they are getting nasty looks when they line up for the "free thing," many families leave this form of charity feeling worthless and hurt.

One of the families said to me "I would rather not get the help I need than go to some of those places again."

That's very disturbing. At what point did our compassion turn us into jaded and frustrated people? At what point did we put meeting needs over actually loving others?

The solution is simple to say, but is very hard to understand how it is practically played out. We must be more concerned with developing people and empowering them to grow than putting a band-aid on their situation.

If I always give to others what they could be gaining by their own initiative, I am essentially treating them as second class citizens. This is not to say that giving or being generous is bad, but what is the end goal? Wouldn't it be better to give less frequently money and products and give more of our experience of community and relationships?

The groceries left on our doorstep as a kid is not what pointed me toward Christ, it was people sticking by my side and recognizing that I was created in the image of God and therefore important enough to be invested into as a person through relationship. They recognized that I had potential and all it needed was some love and time to develop.

Those in poverty, whether it's America or a third world country, are not hopeless. We are not their saviors. Christ is. God wants us to engage and show others His love, to be involved, to care for their needs both practical and spiritual. But nothing will ever change unless we take ourselves off the throne and remember that Jesus is Lord. 

I want to make sure that I am loving "the least of these" and doing it in a way that helps people and communities come one step closer to looking more like Jesus. I want to point people to Jesus, not act as their savior. I want the least of these to feel like the best of these.

May we think on what draws us near to Christ, may we love others like we want to be loved, may we regain focus of what really matters. 

Obviously there is more to this discussion than can be put in one blog post, and there are more experiences both positive and negative than just the families mentioned. These issues are vast and complicated, and my simple encouragement is to engage with the brokenness in our world, be humble, lean into Christ, point others to him, and never stop learning how to best love those around us. 

All it requires sometimes is a willingness to listen and treat others as we would wish to be treated. I believe in the Church, I believe in Christ, I believe in his followers. I have seen the people of God accomplish great things and bring so much to the world. It is my heart that we would simply continue to let Christ develop us, so that we may give that to others.

Listen

You know, we face very interesting challenges in today's culture. 

With the onset of social media and the Information Age, we are no longer hidden from the realities of our very broken world and it's very broken people.

Regardless of your belief system or faith background we all have the sense that something is not entirely right with the world. From a Christian perspective we would view humanity's problems as the result of our sin nature and choosing to follow our own ways as opposed to being connected in relationship with God.

We see the first documented case of rebellion toward God in the book of Genesis, and the result of sin entering the world everyday that we are alive.

With access to the rest of the world right at our fingertips it seems that hardly a day goes by where we don't hear of some tragedy or evil act that breaks our hearts and affects our ability to relate with our fellow humans.

Most recently we have heard reports of crisis in Syria, injustice in Iraq, racial & social tensions in Ferguson, MO over the death of Mike Brown, Ebola, etc. 

Even the suicide of a beloved celebrity and comedian in Robin Williams has stirred something deep in the hearts of so many.

I have seen many people commenting on these issues and more over the last several weeks and have chosen largely to remain silent. It's not because I don't have anything to say or even people that wouldn't listen, but because in an age where everyone has a voice and a place to use it, I have intentionally decided to do more listening. 

I should backtrack slightly, I'm a horrible listener. I'm much better at instantly spouting off whatever strong options I have to anyone who is in earshot and I sometimes struggle to really consider how what I'm saying is being heard or how it may affect others.

I'm used to having multiple platforms to say stuff and people wanting to hear what I have to say, but in the blessing of having an audience I found myself losing touch with what it means to speak words that carry weight.

When I take no time in the presence of God, to seek the Holy Spirit, and to really think before I speak, I act in opposition to being a good steward of the audience I have. Whether that's one person or a hundred.

I'm about to get married and I need to listen to my future spouse and what she communicates. Im in a new job as a missionary in Lake Township, OH and I need to listen to the people who live here. I'm the director of a small nonprofit, I'm a friend, I'm a son, and I'm a follower of Jesus and I need to listen to God and the people in my life.

I'm equating listening with really and truly hearing. This means I don't just open my ears but I open my heart as well to show my audience, whoever that may be, that they matter.

Where does this tie in with social injustice and celebrity deaths?

Like I said, today everyone has a voice and all information is available to us. We see the brokenness, the deaths, the pain, the tragedy.

How do you engage with and receive these issues? Do you truly listen to and hear the people in your lives?

Perhaps if Robin Williams had felt better heard, listened to, and cared for in his battle with depression we would have seen a different outcome, I don't know.

Perhaps if we truly soaked in the various global crisis situations we would not merely shake our heads or throw up a quick prayer but discover new ways to be the change, be the solution, advocate, and simply care.

I'm not saying prayer is invalid, but within our prayer how do we engage?

If we really listened to those we deem as poor and needy how would that change the way we do charity and outreach? Would we find we aren't always the ones with the answers?

If we simply engaged with, listened to, and demonstrated a genuine care for those closest to us at home, work, school, etc how would communities change and flourish?

I'm tired of preventable tragedies, tired of the broken world, and I'm assuming you are too.

We take the time to listen and care because we know that death and decay and brokenness and hopelessness don't have the final say. We have a God who has conquered death, fought to reconcile himself to the humans he loves, and made a way for us to be In relationship with Him.

We are his agents of redemption, we are the hands and feet, we as Jesus followers can experience the peace of God in our hurt and give that to the world.

Pray for those affected by tragedy, pray for your loved ones and neighbors. Engage with the brokenness because you know a powerful God is on your side.

Don't hide. Don't run. Fight the war inside yourself and in the world with everything you got empowered by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. 

Nothing can separate us from the love, hope, and redemption in Christ. May we listen to what Jesus is saying to us so that we can be better listeners and caregivers. We are comforted by God so that we may be a comfort, and the opportunities to do so are all around us. 

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. (1 Corinthians 15:55-58 NIV)

I Did Nothing Today (Except Write This Blog).

I'm an engaged man! Woohoo!

I'm an engaged man! Who has so much in the realm of job/career stuff weighing on my mind! Woohoo!

I'm an engaged man! With everything relating to job/career/financial stuff on my mind! With a non-profit ministry to continue running! Woohoo!

I'm an engaged man! With job/career/money stuff on the brain! With a non-profit ministry! With friends to spend time with! With a wedding to plan! With simple daily tasks like cleaning my house to accomplish! With an old car that often needs work! With tons of family issues to always work through! Who is in counseling! Who is trying to follow Jesus and spend time with Him! Who needs to love my fiance well! Who needs to also take care of his physical health! Who has an inbox full of emails! Who needs to rest! Who wants to keep loving the poor and pursuing my passions to see under- resourced communities and people thrive! Who has hurts! Who is in pain! Who needs love! Woohoo!

You get the hint. When all of the things we juggle as people are written out, the list can start to get pretty long and heavy sometimes. Keep in mind, that doesn't even include being a married man or being a father yet, which are seasons of life yet to come. Right now I'm in a season where there is a ton on my plate, and yet I spent the majority of my free time today playing a video game and reading SportsCenter articles.

Are you mad?!!! Insane?!! That's what I thought to myself during my hours of sinking into the abyss today as I filled my head with mindless activities. The immediate next feelings were of guilt, anxiety, tension, fear, etc over the day that had already been laid to waste.

When I took the time to stop the madness of doing nothing and spend some time praying to God, I realized I have a major capacity issue.

What I mean by that is my capacity as a human being to take in and process all the relational, financial, spiritual, emotional, physical, and psychological stimuli I experience on a daily basis is not big enough for the season of life I am in. Consequently, things can just feel miserable and hard and make me want to shut down sometimes. That was today.

It's natural when we feel on overload to want to shut down. Simultaneously it comes with this overwhelming feeling of guilt because we know we aren't living up to expectations, whether they be others, our own, or God's. We are all desperately needy people, and when those needs aren't being met and we are giving out, or feeling like we are having more ripped away from us, than we take in and receive, it causes a meltdown.

Everybody copes differently, and to be honest this is where many addictions gain their power. We need something, it isn't being given to us, we are getting things taken out of us, and so we go to extremes to ease our neediness and fill in our own gaps.

The point is Jesus and his grace are the only things that can fill the very real gaps in our lives.

The start of this blog was not meant to be a point of bragging about how much I got going for me. To be real, as a teenager 90 percent of my time was spent lying around, watching tv, indulging in addictions, and giving nothing back to the world. Why? Because I felt like I was worthless, no one cared, and I had nothing going for me.

Over the years as I have followed Jesus I have seen Him do this crazy thing where in each season of life he stretches my ability to handle life more and more. I simply did not have the capacity to be where I am at in life currently a year ago, or two years ago, so on and so forth.

But this is the heart of the matter! In our walk with Christ his goal is to make us look more like Him and a giant part of that is in the way we let him grow us up in maturity and capacity!

Often we aren't willing to go into the depths of our soul or into the hard places where we need to go, and we certainly don't want Jesus going there with us. So we avoid, we slink back from maturity and growth. What this creates is a huge tension because our bodies are getting older but our maturity stays where it was as a kid, or worse, it regresses!

These are the people who are in their 40's and 50's that should be in a place where they are leading the next generation, but they lack the ability to even take care of themselves. The character and maturity just never happened. Usually its due to life circumstances and huge wounds we receive from other people that hurt us.

This is where the grace part comes in. The reality is that none of us in our fallen and broken human state should ever have the ability to take on anything. But in Gods grace and mercy He offers his hand to us and says "you see that incredibly painful place in your life that is holding you back? I want to go there with you and help you heal and grow back stronger."

It's our choice to take the hand of Christ and say, "Yes Lord, I'm willing to go there with you. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to grow and be able to love more like you. I'm willing to let you stretch me and help me mature."

My prayer is that God would continue to stretch my capacity to handle life in all seasons and circumstances, and that I would receive his grace when I'm simply unable to handle what is on my plate. The bottom line is it's His strength, and not ours, that truly helps us to thrive in this lifetime and not just survive.

May we be open with God and others about the places we are weak and vulnerable and don't quite get it yet, and may we be willing to go when Christ prompts us to walk into our places of hurt and need, holding his hand all the way.

You Want Me To Do What?!

When my heart is broken the notion that God is good can seem preposterous.

When I feel so much pain in life, it can seem like my circumstances and the people that hurt me can't possibly be the result of a loving God. In fact, it can feel like not only is God no refuge of hope or comfort, but I also begin to believe maybe He is the one that caused me to be in the mess I'm in.

These thoughts have been streaming through my head off and on over the last several months. Less than ideal circumstances and a general feeling that God is absent have clouded my view of God and his goodness.

For me, the logic follows that when God is not good, he is absent, and when God is absent, I start to respond to the world around me in ways not indicative of my true self . I'm tempted to make darkness my friend, to turn inward, and shut people out entirely. Depression, fear, anxiety, and hopelessness rear their ugly heads as I become self-assured of my lack of significance in this cruel, cruel world. 

This pattern of thought renders me virtually useless to the people I care about. It becomes all too easy to give into my desires, and seemingly impossible to provide any emotional support or comfort to those hurting around me. Sometimes it may even get so bad that I stop caring altogether.

I know I'm not alone in this, I have sat and talked with so many others who have become such victims of their circumstances and hurts that they have virtually given up on life and the people around them. Each day becomes a frantic search for some tiny ounce of joy and one's primary concern becomes survival. And when you are only looking out for yourself, you become a true slave to the pain, and the destructive cycle that caused you to spiral down in the first place just keeps on going.

Today I was faced with a choice.

Feeling the desire to jump into the cycle of looking out for only myself, I looked to God instead and I simply said "I can not do this alone. I simply can't. I need you to be strong for me right now because I have no strength.'

I didn't all at once feel Him with me, I didn't instantly stop desiring to be selfish, but what I did feel was a resolve to walk forward and overcome what was plaguing me.

A half hour later I was on knees in my room sobbing, they were tears of joy as I realized the beauty of surrender.

Like I said in the beginning, when your heart is broken it's the hardest thing in the world to accept the message of a good God. But when you intentionally die to your flesh and walk toward that God, you experience something that is never found in the feeble ways we attempt to ease our pain. You find love that is faithful, unconditional, and always welcoming you with open arms.

I believe that the primary thing God desires of us is surrender to Him. But one thing after another starts to go wrong and all of the sudden we find ourselves in the middle of a season of life where things are really hard. Sure, it's easy to follow Jesus when everything is the way we want it. But when life brings pain and days and weeks go by where we feel sorrow and maybe even Gods absence, we start to convince ourselves that every lie in our head is the truth.

"I am worthless." "I wish I had that person's life." "Nobody cares about me." "I don't care about anybody." "I'm alone." "I'm unloved or conditionally loved based on my performance." "I'm going to rebel and cause other's pain like I have felt."

And on and on the list of lies goes.

When we isolate ourselves in times of pain, the primary thing that we crave remains unconditional love, but we cut ourselves off from God and the people he has put around us that could lead us to His unconditional love. 

The Bible shows us the path to experiencing God's unconditional love, and it always starts with dying to ourselves.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. - Matthew 16:24

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. - Romans 8:5-7

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. - Ephesians 2:1-5

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:Who, being in very nature God did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! - Philippians 2:3-8 (emphasis mine)

Will you, along with myself, practice surrender to God even in times of the sharpest and toughest pain you have ever felt?

Our promise is that when we put to death the desires of our flesh, when we die to ourselves and our expectations/ideals, when we stop comparing ourselves to others, when we turn our stubborn hearts to God, we will experience true life.

We hold on to our pain and make decisions from our broken hearts because we think that in doing whatever we please we will have life, but it's the opposite. When we feel the pain and death of this world, God is asking us to experience more death, which sounds ridiculous, but the death we die for His sake to our flesh, gives us sustainable joy and life that no circumstance or human can take away from us.

We can die to ourselves because God led the way. Jesus was obedient in surrendering to the Father's will to the point of physical death. Jesus died so that we could have access to his life and unconditional love for eternity.

It's all about surrender to God, and it always will be. It's only in our weakness that we will find our true strength in Christ Jesus, who works all things together for the good of those who love Him. He is not the cause of our pain, he is the healer. We have a Father in heaven that knows our pain because he himself walked through it, all authority to comfort us and lead us to the path of freedom truly belongs to Him, not us. 

I'm done doing things my way. Time to embrace surrender.

I'm With You

"I'm With You."

I have a way of isolating myself when the going gets tough. If I'm in a bad way I tend to turn completely inward and shut out all semblance of human connection. The idea is that if it's the world causing hurt, then it's only by turning inward and trusting myself that I will find peace. 

"I'm with you."

Still there is this nagging need even when I'm isolating myself internally to be connected with the people around me externally. Shutting down and finding strength in myself essentially puts a veil over my face and heart that allows me to only think and speak in half truths. 

"I'm with you."

Right before he ascended into heaven Jesus promised his disciples in the book of Matthew that he would be with them always, to the very end of the age. In 2 Corinthians 1 we see Paul describe God as being full of compassion and comfort, in the Psalms we hear God described as a refuge and hope, an ever present help in trouble, a mighty fortress, etc.

"I'm with you."

I feel like I'm stepping out into the vast forest of the unknown right now.

Marriage.

Family.

Career.

Calling.

Finances.

Purpose.

Faithfulness.

Manhood.

It's like every big huge topic that I spent my late teens and early 20's preparing for and thinking about as far off is currently right on my doorstep. But I have been apprehensive to answer it's incessant knocking.

"I'm with you."

Picture the wilderness. A vast wood shrouded by a dark cloud. I'm sitting in a dank clearing on a log positioned by what once was a campfire, but now is only ash. Everything is damp from the storm that just came through. The fire is gone, the trails around me hard to make out or navigate. Are they even there?

"I'm with you."

I take a deep breath and breathe a heavy sigh, I am out breath but can still see it in the fog. The cold air highlights what's left in my lungs. 

"I'm with you."

I thought I heard a voice, but I'm alone. I close my eyes. This is the end.

"Hey Corey. I'm with you. Open your eyes."

When I do I see the landscape has vastly changed. A warmth comes over me from the roaring fire now lain at my feet, a crisp breeze comes in and the birds are chirping again. The sun is out and the trails are clear. And next to me is a man who I feel like I have never seen yet have known my whole life.

With a smile he looks up from poking at the fire and says "where do you want to go?"

All of the sudden the sunlight shines through the trees and the trails surrounding our campsite are clear, like they've always been there.

He says again "where do you want to go? I'm with you. Whatever you choose. Of course I have an opinion of which trail is best, but I love you and I'm with you whichever one you pick. By the way, I have always been here. I'm with you."

I don't know what comes next. But I'm getting rid of my fear and trusting Jesus. I'm crawling out of my shell and letting him and others walk with me. What once was a dark wilderness is now an exciting journey, teaming with life ad possibilities. But even though I'm not sure where the trails lead, I know the one beside me, and how he will never walk away.

Maybe that's all I ever needed to know.

Psalm Of Hope

How often I forget of your great love O God,

How you have redeemed my life from the pit,

The overwhelming grace you have poured out on me.

Night comes like a thief, but the light of the world is never too far behind, his arm is never too short to save.

O Lord how I let the burdens of this world rest on my shoulders. Why?

Where was I when you created the heavens or spoke the Earth into existence? Do I possess knowledge of the heavenly storehouses full of snow or perceive where the lightning comes from?

O God grant me sight that I may look to you and see your full glory and find myself in it that I may live.

My flesh is limited, you are limitless.

My strength is weak, I often find myself burned out. The flame of your love never stops burning.

Oh how I have tried to find strength in flesh! Only to come up short time and time again!

O God have mercy, let me bask in your presence. Let goodness and mercy follow me the rest of my life, that I may dwell in your house forever.

You are indescribable, unlimited, loving, full of truth and beauty and life. I am full of death. Let me drink from your water and sing of your love everlasting.

Do not hide your face from me Lord, make my ways known to you. Be the bread of my life, never let me go hungry.

I cried out from the pit "where is my God?" 

You replied "I see the depths of your heart and love you the same."

O Lord gaze into my depths, do not let me hide. Love me, teach me, never leave my side.

The Lord is my refuge and strength, an ever preset help in trouble. He leads me beside still waters, he is my rock and fortress.

Why so downcast O my soul? Put your hope in God. For though the earth give way and nations fall into the sea, I will look to the heavens and praise, I will lift up a song to the God of my life.

Your ways are not my ways, you walk in the way everlasting. Your precepts I will obey, your life I will seek. Never let me go. Never let me cling to flesh, but make me born of spirit, that my life may glorify you.

Masculinity Restored

I was fearful for the longest time that not only would a woman never love me, but that I myself was incapable of truly loving a woman.

This fear carried with it an inherent need to achieve, a need to find significance in asserting my power and authority to create success in whatever I was doing. Since I was not secure in my identity as a real man, I did my best to act like one, and most often fell short.

My unhealthy ways of relating to the opposite sex were marked by a constant feeling of abandonment from God. My earthly father in his absence and eventual death had left a void of manhood seemingly too big to be filled. I found myself calling out into the darkness and hoping to hear back a voice of affirmation, a voice that could secure my identity, but was met with silence.

My greatest fears of absence from God, not knowing how to be a man, and never being in healthy relationship with the opposite sex have all been met with redemption from Christ and the people he has put in my life.

In Christ I have learned that "I am fearfully and wonderfully made," (psalm 139:14) and "dead to sin (even generational sin) but alive in Christ" (Romans 6:11).

"For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace." (Romans 6:14 NIV)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

The reality is that far too often I have leaned into the past I earlier described, and not into the new creation I am in Christ and who He is making me to be.

My relationship with the love of my life, Megan, has taught me so much over the last six months about how to love Megan in her wholeness, how to be a man who not only loves but loves well, and how to be worthy of her respect and the respect of others.

I fail a lot, but the awesome part is when I am able to take hold of the promise of Jesus in Matthew that he will never leave or forsake me.

Author Andy Comiskey says "Real masculine authority arises out of reliance on God. Strength emerges from surrender. Only in losing our lives to the Father's greater purposes will our masculinity be restored."

And that is where I find myself today. In process of being healed, redeemed, restored. Being met with grace daily by Jesus and Megan (she is a major sign of Gods grace to me). Learning how to throw off guilt, shame, and the sin that so easily entangles (Hebrews 12), and to walk as a new man, upright and strong.

The battle moving forward is to remember that I am not defined by my achievements, but by my ability to lean into Jesus and who he is making me. Only then can I be a true man who loves well and gains the respect of all those around me. Surrender and submission to Gods good, pleasing, and perfect will is the way moving forward.

A Significant Change In The Way We See The World

"Corey, prayer is the most important thing. Without Jesus we wouldn't be doing any of this or even be here today."

Those were the words spoken to me at our Laundry Project today by one of my good friends and neighbors Bernard. Bernard has lived in Canton his whole life, and being older in age, may not decide to go somewhere else anytime soon.

Bernard is right. Without Jesus there would be no Laundry Project, without prayer our time together would be of no true power or value. Without inviting the Holy Spirit into the place where we are on mission, we would only be offering the best of ourselves, not Jesus, and the best of ourselves always falls short.

His words, while empowering and inspiring, also highlighted a bigger truth to me. Looking around the laundromat we have be paying for laundry at once a month off and on for the last 3 + years and seeing more volunteer badges on neighbors than outside groups highlighted the same truth.

Jesus is Lord of all. Therefore, Jesus is already working in the lives of people where I live. In fact, He has been working in their lives long before I lived here and will be long after.

And if Jesus is Lord of all, and at work in people's lives with or without me through his Holy Spirit, that must mean my role isn't to fix someone. Perhaps my role is to be a catalyst for the kind of real change and development in people that can only be brought through relationship with Christ and His church. 

I hear so many well-meaning folks talk about the "needs" of our communities, in fact, I sometimes am one. We discuss the problems and issues that we perceive rather than talking about the good entrenched within the streets of even the toughest neighborhoods. And it's there, Praise Christ it is there.

Yet most of us don't know how to see it. We focus on the problems rather than the solutions, we focus on the needs rather than the assets. We do this with individuals, neighborhoods, cities, you name it. Perhaps part of it comes from our desire to fix, to save. Part of it probably comes from our lack of knowledge and understanding. Maybe part of it is a lack of belief in the bigness of God.

Whatever the case may be, we can no longer afford to approach communities through the lens of their needs, we must learn to see them through the lens of their assets, namely, the people.

Every neighborhood has leaders, people with value and worth, people with very real talents and gifts. More than likely in tougher areas such as my neighborhood, the value and worth in people has been buried under years of hardship, but it's there.

I have heard beautiful prayers come from the lowly and destitute, have witnessed beautiful acts of love from the poor. So why is it beyond reason that Jesus is already present in our cities, even in the darkest places?

I share stats and numbers from every laundry project. Only recently have I started asking myself why. 

Because it's easy to measure.

You know whats harder to measure? Growth in people. How do I write in 140 characters or less that I have seen people become less selfish, take significant steps with their money & family, or go out of their way to serve those around them?

I don't have the answer but we have to change the way we measure success in our ministries as the church and non profit world.

Plain and simple, it's about leading others to Jesus and understanding the power of God. He is big, we are not. He is Savior and Lord of all, we are not. If we start to view our life's purpose in terms of being attentive to what the Holy Spirit is saying and doing, and make it our goal to join with Jesus, we will feel a whole lot less pressure and see deeper, perhaps less measurable (with numbers at least), results.

It's not our job to fix, only to follow Jesus and lead others to do the same. We do this effectively through relationship and bringing out the best in people, all the while sticking with them even when their worst comes out. After all, are we out to see lives transformed and God glorified or our own kingdoms built? It's going to take a different perspective for the kingdom of God, and not that of our own or our churches, to be our primary focus.

We All Need An Extra Shovel - Choosing Relationship Over Isolation

"Anything I can do to help?"
"No."
"Sure you don't need an extra shovel?"
"Nope."

This was the conversation I just had with a neighbor after watching them struggle for 10 minutes to get their car out of a snow drift a few feet from my house. I extended the hand of friendship and was denied, more than that, I was responded to but not even glanced at, dismissed as a nuisance while the struggle continued.

A little dejected, I walked back to my house thinking, "what a reflection of how I interact with people sometimes. My preference is to do it by myself and just get it done, even if it means I struggle more in the process."

It's entirely possible that my attempt to be neighborly was justifiably unnecessary or that I had arrived on the scene too late, but my brief interaction gave light to a larger realization. For many, isolation is preferable and community is avoided at all costs.

I see it everyday at my work in a suburban culture, people who have consumed so many material things and surface relationships that they are buried under societal pressure. They seem to always be fighting against the tide of their own mortality and weakness. I see people in urban neighborhoods where I live who have been so damaged and discouraged that they bury themselves under pain, stress, and have given up fighting completely.

I see it in myself and the way I have a hard time letting people into the depths of the real Corey. I see it in the way I tend to be introspective, thinking only of myself, or in my arrogance, dismissing those around me as obstacles to my contentment and gain.

No matter how you slice it, or what factors you ascribe to it (culture, neighborhood, money, looks, success, woundedness, pain, arrogance) the pursuit of self and the disregard of others as good gifts in our lives is staggering.

We were created, man and woman alike, to be good gifts to each other. Our desire is for real relationship, to know and be known. The reality is that the people around us, both those of the same and opposite sex, have many strengths and experiences they bring to the table that we can learn from and be better for having accepted. It's highly important that we be seeking our primary identity in Christ, allowing Him to make us whole, and that we understand the good gift we are while simultaneously accepting the otherness of people around us.

Consider Galatians 5:13-16:

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh."

We desire so much, our flesh craves and cries out, taking us under it's control. It's the sinful nature we fight, not each other. Ephesians tells us our battle is not against flesh and blood but the spiritual powers that rule this world. We desire and do not receive, seeking other fallen humans to fill us to capacity, all the while lacking the capacity to fill anyone up ourselves.

It can feel like humanity is sentenced to always desire itself, yet never having the ability to make itself whole. It's what causes frustration and brokenness in relationships, the way we look to the other to meet all our needs. It's why neighborhoods don't thrive, and community institutions fall apart.

Perhaps my neighbor did not need my help, but what I perceived even in the way he denied it says it all. Not even a glance at me! When I act that way toward someone I am speaking and acting from all my relational pain, and while I can't say for certain, I suspect my neighbor was as well.

I spend so much time trying to bring people together in community, that the thought they might not even want it hadn't occurred to me. I spend so much time laboring, that the reality of my longing for respect and affirmation as a man didn't cross my mind.

Here is how we combat the need to isolate, both in ourselves and others.

First:

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." - Galatians 6:9-10.

And we gain the ability to do that by death to self:

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." - Matthew 16:24

And when we are faithful to do that:

"For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus." - Romans 6:5-11

I want to be alive in Jesus. I want to be made whole. I want to be a good neighbor, friend, boyfriend, son, etc and I want to have healthy relationship with those in my life. The way I overcome 25 years living in a fallen world, filled with all sorts of hurt, is by pressing on and not becoming weary. Instead I take up my cross, deny myself, and count myself dead to my sin nature but alive in Christ.

Then in my freedom from being made whole in Christ, I use it not to further indulge myself, but to serve those around me humbly in love. Letting community take it's rightful place in my life and giving up my feeble attempts to journey through life isolated from Jesus and other humans.

Because let's face it, we all need an extra shovel.

MLK Day is So Much More

Martin Luther King Jr. Day is traditionally viewed as a day off from our busy schedules, but what we fail to realize is it was intended to be so much more than that.

"In 1994, legislation was passed to create Martin Luther King Day of Service – to encourage citizens to use the federal holiday as an opportunity to give back to their communities. Considered a "day on, not a day off" individuals are encouraged to work towards King's vision of a "Beloved Community."

In the words of King himself: 

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.”

What I know to be true is this, to honor the legacy of a man we all admire so greatly, today has to serve as a call to action for each of us to do our part in being a catalyst for transformation in the people we know and the neighborhoods we live in.

So not just today, but everyday, may we honor the words and example of a devoted follower of Jesus, Dr. King, by laying down our lives for the sake of our brothers and sisters regardless of religion, race, color, creed, etc.

May we love and live in real community, and not just talk about it. May we envision and take steps toward a world where people are valued with the love of Jesus even as we let Him work that love out in our own hearts. A world where tangible steps are taken to learn from and walk alongside those that are different from us economically, socially, racially, etc. A world where the content of our character is high, and our lives reflect the unshakable power and authority of our heavenly Father. 

That world is a dream come true, and is absolutely possible through Jesus.

Life Gets Foggy Sometimes.

"Last night I had a dream that I slept the whole day through.
I awoke to find that my alarm clock was ringing
but I had no sense of truth.

Something was hidden deep inside
Behind the curtain of my shame
Behind the wall of my pride

A fog covered me
rain clouds forming overhead.
I haven't been able to see in the days since."

- Original Poem entitled "The Fog"

"Forgive my tardiness; it takes me so long to awaken to some things." - Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for his Highest"

As I drove to work one morning, I remember a dark fog settling on the road, making visibility almost an impossibility. Lucky for me, the thickness of the fog was subdued by the short time it took to drive through it, but that was 10 seconds where I could not see the road ahead.

Doesn't life feel like that sometimes? A simple analogy, but the morning fog seems to manifest itself in my heart and mind, only it doesn't break up in 10 seconds. It stays, for days, for weeks, for months. It stays. Lingering thick around me.

In those moments I can't see Jesus for who He is, Almighty Lord and Savior, capable of anything. Capable of restoring my heart, healing my wounds, being present with me in all of life's ups and downs. I certainly don't fear him as Lord. Obeying Him seems moot when I can't even perceive what it is I am to obey.

When the fog settles in my life, I fight. I fight with everything I have. I get up, I press on, I try to do what is right, I sleep, I wake up and fight again.

Only problem is I'm still blind. For all my fighting, the fog doesn't seem to lift. What now? How about filling up my life with distractions. TV, Sports, Music, To-Do list, work, my calendar, other people. Surely one of these things with make the fog go away.

Nothing. It's still there. Despite my best efforts I still have yet to perceive the truth of Jesus Christ and his love for me. So I give up. I submit.

Wait. That's it. That has to be it. It's tiny, but I feel a glimmer of hope. Peace seems to be in reach. Light fills the tunnel. Submission, letting go, taking His hand, admitting my weakness, letting Him fight for me. That's it.

The fog in our lives can seem thick and endless. We try to hope, to press on, but we just can't see the road ahead. So we keep driving, and most often we crash.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,    and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.” - Psalm 46:10

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” - Exodus 14:14 (emphasis mine)

Let's be honest, life can be painful, the days can be hard to face. Continuing to wake up and deal with people and all the demands of life can seem daunting. Given enough time and enough wear and tear on our hearts, even the strongest of us will crumble.

We need only to be still. To actually be still. I need only to be still, trust in the Lord, lean not on my understanding, submit to Him.

He shines a massive light in our darkness, restores our hearts, gives us strength to face the day. He empowers us to be gentle and responsive to His love daily where once before we may have approached each day with our defenses up and our hearts disconnected.

This is not what we were created for. We were created to have life and have it to the full, and it's only through the fullness of our creator God than this can be attained. It takes daily submitting to Him. Daily trusting Him. Daily letting Him fight for us.

The fog is no match for the fighting Father.