A Hard Lesson, Relearned.

At any given second it feels like our minds can be filled with 1,000's of thoughts. An all encompassing gauntlet of questions, problems, worries, fears, joys, solutions, excitement, etc... It can get pretty cluttered up there sometimes. And when that happens it seems like the least important thing in the whole world becomes the very moment we are in.

Time is a funny thing like that. We spend our whole lives trying to control it but never seem to gain any ground. Being present in the moment we are in becomes a good thought but never manifests itself to a reality most of the time. I'm really starting to believe this is the root of a ton of issues, at least for me.

I came to lead worship with a team of friends this week at Round Lake Camp. Our week was to be spent hanging out with Sr. High students and playing music (pretty great for a youth min/music graduate like myself!). Instead I spent the first few days isolating myself from people and staying locked in my own head, with one foot connected to where I was at and one foot at home.

There were different problems occurring in my life and some things coming up to look forward to. So in my quest for significance, I kept my phone on and with me and stayed logged onto my computer whenever possible, hoping to validate my need to feel needed.

When the things presented to me through communication werent ideal and/or necessarily encouraging, I instantly folded into myself and let pressures from home affect what I was doing in this moment.

However, a great friend reminded me "You chose to be here."

Here. Here is a strange concept for me. I would much rather be lost in thought about all the things I have to get done or people I need to hang out with or the kind of person I need to be. I'd rather be anything than "here."

The great irony is that as I do everything but focus on the present moment, I lack the attentiveness to the Holy Spirit to let God mold me into the person I do need to be.

I just dont read about Jesus coming upon the sick or needy and saying "oh you need some help? well sorry I'm a very important person on my way to do a really important thing."

And I'm pretty sure Paul didnt say in Romans 8 that "nothing in all of creation can separate you from the love of God.....except all your problems, worries, fear, and anxiety."

The reality of God is a loving father, who is strong and able to conquer. A savior who brings us rest, and a Lord who challenges us to make a difference by following his example and obeying his commands. A spirit who acts in us and through us, helping us stay in tune with the melody of God all around us.

I just want to be present. Right here, right now. Because it's all I got. I want to hear Jesus whispering his love to me and see the opportunities he is giving me to send that same message to people around me. There's a lot in this world and in my life that isnt right. But letting a barrage of thoughts and worries come at me wont do anything.

But loving the one in front of me, that can make all the difference in the world.